Cooties (2015)

Starring: Elijah Wood, Allison Pill, Rainn WilsonPlotline: Something tastes a little funny at this suburban elementary school... It's in the meat.  A virus has infected all children who haven't hit puberty and turned them into psycho zombies!Review: When I first heard that this movie takes place on a Monday, I immediately thought of Office Space and the old throwback "looks like someone has a case of the Mondays" and laughed, because I knew there was going to be ass kickery abound in this movie.  It didn't really disappoint.The opening credits will turn a LOT of people off of this movie because it shows a chicken going through a slaughterhouse and being eaten my maggots and things like that.  I have a bit of a stronger stomach than most, so it didn't phase me.  But warning to people who are vegans, vegetarians or animal liberalists... PETA did not approve of this opening and its' pretty gross.Elijah Wood plays a loser flawlessly throughout the first half, he blows my mind with every line he spouts, because he's just such a whiny douche bag and is great at it and there's a scene where he gets called a hobbit, pure gold.  It's really like he's playing the ultimate budding writer hipster douche bag, he basically says so himself with the line "I don't do brave stuff, i haven't even been camping.  I have a blog and get excited about apple products.", just so fantastic in this role.It gets into action pretty quickly, the first kid went batshit on another kid within 18 minutes from the very start of the movie rolling, which leaves over an hour of sweet zombie killing action.When I was younger there was an email chain going around about if you were stuck in a gymnasium with endless hordes of children attacking you, how many could you take with you before you go?  You could use all things in the gymnasium at your disposal, be it bats or balls or the children themselves.  I always sort of conservatively said like 15 kids, because I never really thought about it, but this made me think and i thought it was hilarious, because I would go full retard and take as many of these little shits as I possibly could. So much fun, and I loved thinking about it, it's stretches all your abilities, makes you think fatigue, and if you don't like kids...... win win guys.  Win. Win.It's filmed really nicely, the scenes, albeit a little terrifying, are really beautiful and the lines are great.  They captured the middle America syndrome really well.  A lot of ignorance towards a lot of things, including Allison Pill saying she beat off the terrorists after 9/11 with a positive attitude.  God I love this movie already.As ultra violent as this movie is, it's really damned good too, a lot of funny moments, a lot of poignant things to say and all the casting was done really well.  The only thing that bothers me about this and horror movies, and it's not even a bother, is that I watch movies with subtitles on (I find it better for some reason) and when I read subtitles like "children giggling in distance", it always creeps the bejesus out of me.  I mean, it's brutal.  I can see blood, but hearing the giggling makes me wanna curl up in a ball and die.I think this movie was great, had somewhat of a cliff hanger ending, so there could be another one if this one catches fire, which would be amazing. Watch this movie if you like zombie movies, horror comedies, Elijah Wood, or any number of things. For the record, my number of kids that I think I could do now is probably 30.  What's yours?