Movie Marathon Day 6: Croczilla

Starring:  No one I have ever heard of, that can't be a good sign.Plot: a gigantic (30-50 foot) crocodile goes on a murderous rampage through Beijing and seemingly no one can stop it.Review:  Man, am I glad I watched this movie.  Oh wait, you can't tell sarcasm though text!  Man, does this movie suck.   It starts in a kind of cool artistic style cartoon, but then turns real life and it shows a rich man walking through what looks to be a market for buying lizards and alligators/crocodiles, nothing else though.  He finds one from Thailand and says the guy is dumb for paying 300 yuan for a dead croc, pokes it in the snout only to realize it's not dead.  Is there no better way to ensure that an animal is alive than poking it in a tender area?  The CGI for the animals is genuinely terrible for a movie made this recently. (Also, dude payed 300 yuan, which is $46.52 American for a whole crocodile, that's a great deal I think.)We cut to a little boy who failed some sort of report, so goes to visit crocodiles at what looks like an abandoned crocodile farm, having the huge crocodile in a cave that the kid just rolls up on like he's a bad mother (shut your mouth).  He feeds the croc and gets pulled away by an old man who says the crocs are starving, they'll eat anything.  Also, he's selling all the crocs to someone who can "feed them meat", like, what was he feeding them?!  The boy asks if the big croc is going (his name is Amao, which is easier to type than crocodile, so I'll call him by his Christian name from now on), the old man says yes, so the kids chases after Amao and is really heartbroken.  Could be bad news to get emotionally attached that way kiddo.There's another storyline about two people who were... I don't know, but they made 100 thousand euros doing something, the girl asks the guy if he has water, to which he says yes, in the glove box.  She opens the glove box to grab a can of water, but finds a skimpy lace thong instead! It can't be hi... wait a minute, they have cans of water?  why not a bottle?  Do we have canned water here?The crocs are going to a restaurant to get eaten, the big croc gets away.  When told to call the cops the big bad guy says that would be a disaster like a 40 foot amao loose in China is normal.  What a dummy, the cops would easily have been able to take the animal down.In and around minute 20, full frontal small Asian boy nudity, bold choice movie maker. Awkward too.Turns out the woman made 100 thousand euros in Italy making hand bags for 8 years.  That's a lot of money for bags, good for her.this movie is almost 2 hours long, feels like a lifetime.You find out it's breeding season.. it's always breeding season in these movies.about 45 minutes of nothing, attempted emotional draw ins from a movie that knows it's bad.  Bad to the point that I'm pretty sure one guy who gets eaten by the crocs comes back halfway through, though I'm not 100% positive.the movie jumps scene to scene a lot in a pretty broken fashion, it's not filmed very well and it telegraphs so many things happening in it that it's ridiculous.I left the movie on for a good 7 minutes and nothing happened, that's how sweet this movie is.The movie is over.  I can't say as it's the worst movie I've ever seen, but it's really up there.  You want a fun movie that doesn't suck and involves a crocodile, watch Lake Placid.  Or better yet, watch Anaconda!  That movie is gold AND has Ice Cube.