Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Hopkins, Josh Duhamel, Stanley Tucci, John Tuturro, Peter Cullen, Frank Welker, John Goodman, Ken Watanabe, Steve BuscemiPlot: The Autobots must combine forces with the humans (why again?) to save the Earth from being destroyed by Cybertron, which is moving towards Earth faster than that meteor in ArmageddonLength: 154 minutesInteresting trivia: Hugo Weaving wasn't cast as Megatron for this movie, they went to well known voice actor Frank Welker instead.Review: I'd like to start off by saying I really enjoy the transformers universe. I love the comics, tv shows, toys, and culture around it. It was such a vast expanse of information and characters that could be drawn upon to make any movie good. Then they let Michael Bay touch it.I would also like to say that I truly enjoy Michael Bay, I think he does good work for what is given to him and does explosions better than anyone in existence ( if you have the chance, youtube his verizon wireless commercial, it's awesome.) But in this scenario when there is such a massive amount of background information and so much source material, for him to come in and change almost all of it is ridiculous.I won't go into spoilers because some of you may want to see this movie, though I would recommend against it.The movie was far too long, with weird, unnecessary back stories involving King Arthur and the "Witwiccans", the family that Shia LaBeouf was a part of, oh, I forgot! He has a cameo in this movie. Well, there's a picture of him in the movie because he and Michael bay had a falling out and bay couldn't write him out in a proper way in the last movie that people were curious about, so they then have him be dead in this one, somehow. They don't say how, but there you have it. Dick move in my books, I love LaBeouf.The music wasn't done very well either. How hard is it to make a transformers movie that has the transformers theme song in it? How hard is it to have "The Touch", the greatest song of all god damned time, by god damned Stan Bush in it?!The acting was fine. It has a giant cast of some very well known, very well versed actors including Anthony Hopkins and Stanley Tucci. The biggest hurdle they have to overcome is the weird, inane comedy stylings of Bay and his writers. Weird timings, weird lines, racial undertones, the whole lot. Michael Bay is good at many things, picking people to write his scripts for him isn't one of them. Combined, the three writers have 8 movies written, 4 of the movies worked on by two of the same guys. And those movies aren't exactly dialogue heavy (Punisher: War Zone was amazing, but the dialogue was.... lacking, let's say)Now we can get into the nitty gritty of it all. They took two very well known, one of which is a fan favourite, characters from the comics, tv shows and 1987 CLASSIC Transformers: The Movie and changed them entirely. One of which is Hot Rod, played by Judd Nelson in the cartoon. Firstly, why not reach out to him, bring him back. I can only assume he's not busy right now (If you read this Mr. Nelson, you're a fucking champ). Secondly, they have him use some weird French accent throughout, but don't discuss why he uses it, just that "he can't stop". Very odd. The second character, the main villain of the cartoon, Unicron, voiced by Orson Welles is in this movie, but rather than being the villain, he's for some reason the Earth? They don't really discuss any of that, but apparently he isn't a transformer (or is?) and all of Human Kind live on him. Doesn't even transform guys. It hurts me so.What else is there to say about a movie that I won't spoil... it ended? I'm glad it ended, it took 7 years for me to watch this movie and it was the longest 7 years of my god damned life guys. Josh Duhamel and Mark Wahlberg both age like fine wine though, that's a bonus I suppose.
Starring: Bill Skarsgard, Jaeden Lieberher, Finn WolfhardInfo: A bit over 2 hours, but it's quick. Directed by a cat name Andy Muschietti (known for directing 2013's surprise hit MAMA) IT was released September 8, 2017.Plot: Some kids run afoul of a VERY nice clown who's just trying to not starve to death.A bit of trivia: To add to his character, Bill Skarsgard spoke in Swedish. He also took classes on how to be a contortionist to aid in his scenes. He also beat out Hugo Weaving for the role of Pennywise because he could be playful as well as creepy. Hugo Weaving as Pennywise would have made this movie much more intense!As Always there may be spoilers. Big spoiler right now... IT was a movie AND a book before this iteration, so if you're shocked by these things that's on you.Review: I really liked this movie. It was a remake, but also an homage to classic horror movies from the 1980's. I love that about it, so much so. Too many people have been saying it's not a horror movie, but that's because they've been dulled by movies like the Saw series and Insidious, or Paranormal Activity. This is a base horror movie that relies on you to think about things and scare yourself before the scares come from the movie. The scares also don't hold back, they're done very well, meant to build you up. Horror has become a menagerie of things like gore, blood, guts, shock value, possession, found footage (nobody wants this anymore) or zombie movies. IT has a villain who is playful and terrifying at the same time. He literally plays with his food before he eats it, that's his problem.Outside of that, the film was done really well. Good cinematography, good score, good acting and, above all for me, made the "nostalgia" for the 1980's real. Granted I was 4 when this movie was set... oh my god, Pennywise would have ruined me! I was just a kid! I really liked seeing what movies were playing in the theatre in the background.Bill Skarsgard as Pennywise was almost flawless in my mind. The guy was so happy go lucky and then terrifyingly creepy and then back to happy go lucky. Loved him in the role. I also really liked the kids. They were really funny and had some great lines.I don't want anyone to think I'm sucking the D of this movie, so there were certainly things I didn't like about it as well. Firstly being the fact that there are still 3D versions of movies. I really would hope that 3D just stops, it's garbage and doesn't make anything better. I also know that this has nothing to do with the movie itself, but it still gets my goat.I also am not a fan of cliff hanger endings. I know this is slightly different and not really a cliffhanger as there was resolution at the end of this, but I also know that the previous movie rendition, as well as the book, have many more things to come. So seeing "IT: Chapter One" at the end of this made me a bit upset while at the same time excited for another movie.I'd say give it a go if you like classic horror. But if you're going into it thinking it's going to be the next "every halloween on halloween" series that involves gore and bad effects and stuff you're likely not going to enjoy it.
Starring: Eddie Redmayne, Colin Farrell, Katherine Waterston, Dan Fogler, John Voight, Alison Sudol, Ron Perlman, Ezra Miller. Plot: We follow Newt Scamander (Redmayne) on his quest to return a... fantastic beast to its home. But there's a kink or three.Review: So this movie made a boat load of money its first weekend. I went into it not really knowing too much about it, but with semi high hopes as the Harry potter movies were, for the most part, enjoyable. I can't say as I was disappointed, but at the same time I certainly wasn't impressed. I don't think I even have an opinion about the movie to be honest.We join Newt as he has entered America and is immediately run into by Dan Fogler (who became the best part of the movie). Slight comedy ensues as they both have the same suitcase and mix them up. From there we find that Scamander has come to America to purchase the stomach of an exotic creature to give to someone as a gift (I assume as a bag, but perhaps a hat?).He gets taken into the American ministry of magic only to leave and have to stay at the agents who brought him in's house. We then find the REAL reason he's meant to come back, to return a giant bird to his home in Arizona.All the while we find see Colin Farrell doing semi dastardly things, but not really. We then see some people who were dubbed the "Second Salemers" and want a witch hunt.I'll leave the rest unknown in case you want to see the movie, but that's the first...25-45 minutes.This movie was really forgettable throughout, it has taken me some time to figure out what to write about this movie at all to be honest. I cannot say that I enjoyed any of the characters outside of Dan Fogler, they were all very transparent and not done well. I really don't like Eddie Redmayne at all and found his choice of mumbling everything to the point of incoherence to be a little odd. It wasn't quite breathe talking, but more of just "mmmhmmbmmhmllmblle" and everyone seemed to just pick up on it.The effects and cinematography were phenomenal as to be expected, the creatures looked really well gorgeous (though I felt we could have had more of them and as they were literally the title of the movie) and the time period that it was filmed in looked very authentic. The only downside I saw for this movie was sight specifically. It was a very dark movie and I think it could have been so much brighter and more visual.I mean... see it if you want to, but I wouldn't say it's a must see at all and I certainly wouldn't say see it if you love Harry Potter because it's pretty removed as it takes place like... fifty years prior or something like that.
Starring: Jack Black, Amy Ryan, Ken Marino, Jillian Bell, R.L. StinePlotline: A mother/son combo move to small-town U.S.A. and find out the town has something to hide. Something... Monstrous!Review: So it's a Monday night and nothing is really going on in my life. I ask my room mate if he wants to come see Goosebumps with me and he replies "Really? Goosebumps? What the hell, I'm in a good mood and if it's that bad it won't bother me, it'll be free, let's do it" (I paraphrase, I couldn't tell you exactly what he said). I expected it to be a dumb want of a movie that provided a laugh or two, but nothing major. Man was I wrong. I loved this movie! Maybe it was because I haven't seen Jack Black in anything for a while, maybe it was because this was a nostalgic movie made from things from my childhood, but hot damn was this great.The acting was all done decently well too, considering that it's mainly unknowns, Jack Black as the Hermetic R.L. Stine was a nice Jack Black on 8, but he ALSO voiced Slappy, the villainous puppet from "Night of the living Doll", and that gave us Jack Black on 12, so it evened out quite nicely. Ken Marino plays a bit part as a gym teacher, and I would have liked to see more of him, but I can never complain about seeing him in a movie.The best part of the movie was that it started super cheesy like a Goosebumps tv show from back in the day, but then evolved into so much more and made fun of itself, took itself seriously all the while providing good laughs.The effects were done pretty good too, from the Abominable Snowman to Slappy the ventriloquist doll (Who gets mad when you call him a dummy), to the wolf man that looked pretty impressive. The giant Praying Mantis was super fun too.Just an overall fun movie that I enjoyed a whole bunch and I think if you're a fan of horror comedy with a childish tinge, or a a fan of RL Stine in general you would enjoy it too.
Starring: some kids.Plot: Thomas gets thrown into a giant open area called the glade, but he doesn't remember anything leading up to that point. He meets a bunch of dudes and finds out he's in a giant maze that they can't get out of surrounded by traps and giant creatures called "grievers". But Thomas has different plans, he plans to get out.....Review: I watched the trailer for the sequel to this movie, "the scorch trials" and figured what the hell, I hate my life, may as well watch this and see what it's about, and let me tell you... I still don't know a single thing that it's about. So much so that during the movie (that I was watching alone) I often found myself asking questions out loud in hopes that someone was stalking me and could give me the answer. No dice though.The acting was pretty poor and it seemed like a really bad imitation of Lord of the flies, which has been done so many times before, so I wasn't a huge fan of it. The filming of it was half good, in the daytime it was really pretty and vibrant, but at night I had difficulty seeing things that weren't human. Which could have been the purpose, I'm not positive on that front.The grievers were like... Giant blobs with a mouth... I guess it would be as if a child plucked a monster from their minds. A big bulbous creature with no eyes that I saw and too much mouth, but also had mechanical legs to chase after people AND a mechanical stinger...The stinger! So there's multiple scenes in the movie where people discuss someone "being stung", and the the main dude Thomas says "by what?" One time, but never again. So it's a very difficult thing when they talk about being stung and I had no fucking clue what they were talking about until like....45 minutes into the movie.The movie was also decently predictable in, well, every way. It's a group of young men, so naturally when a girl comes in you know the movie is hitting its peak, hell they even tell you that in the movie! There's a little fat kid with the group that befriends the main guy a bit, so he dies very predictably. The only part of the movie that confused me was the very end when one of the guys in "the glade" meets up with the Heroes of the movie, but they don't say how he got there. He passed through all the ordeals, got through the giant maze he's never been through, hit a combination for a lock he didn't know and made it through decently unscathed. Fuck I hate my life during this movie.You find out they're all being used to attempt to find a cure for some global genocide that only affects people who are older than they are or something? And the woman who put them through this maze is dead, but you find out she's not and it was all part of their plan. Jesus.I mean... Maybe watch this movie? It wasn't completely awful, just pretty mundane and dumb. Your call, I did it because the trailer for the second one looks kinda cool, but I imagine I am going to get into a car accident on my way home from watching it so that I don't have to watch the third one. Patrick out.