Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Hopkins, Josh Duhamel, Stanley Tucci, John Tuturro, Peter Cullen, Frank Welker, John Goodman, Ken Watanabe, Steve BuscemiPlot: The Autobots must combine forces with the humans (why again?) to save the Earth from being destroyed by Cybertron, which is moving towards Earth faster than that meteor in ArmageddonLength: 154 minutesInteresting trivia: Hugo Weaving wasn't cast as Megatron for this movie, they went to well known voice actor Frank Welker instead.Review: I'd like to start off by saying I really enjoy the transformers universe. I love the comics, tv shows, toys, and culture around it. It was such a vast expanse of information and characters that could be drawn upon to make any movie good. Then they let Michael Bay touch it.I would also like to say that I truly enjoy Michael Bay, I think he does good work for what is given to him and does explosions better than anyone in existence ( if you have the chance, youtube his verizon wireless commercial, it's awesome.) But in this scenario when there is such a massive amount of background information and so much source material, for him to come in and change almost all of it is ridiculous.I won't go into spoilers because some of you may want to see this movie, though I would recommend against it.The movie was far too long, with weird, unnecessary back stories involving King Arthur and the "Witwiccans", the family that Shia LaBeouf was a part of, oh, I forgot! He has a cameo in this movie. Well, there's a picture of him in the movie because he and Michael bay had a falling out and bay couldn't write him out in a proper way in the last movie that people were curious about, so they then have him be dead in this one, somehow. They don't say how, but there you have it. Dick move in my books, I love LaBeouf.The music wasn't done very well either. How hard is it to make a transformers movie that has the transformers theme song in it? How hard is it to have "The Touch", the greatest song of all god damned time, by god damned Stan Bush in it?!The acting was fine. It has a giant cast of some very well known, very well versed actors including Anthony Hopkins and Stanley Tucci. The biggest hurdle they have to overcome is the weird, inane comedy stylings of Bay and his writers. Weird timings, weird lines, racial undertones, the whole lot. Michael Bay is good at many things, picking people to write his scripts for him isn't one of them. Combined, the three writers have 8 movies written, 4 of the movies worked on by two of the same guys. And those movies aren't exactly dialogue heavy (Punisher: War Zone was amazing, but the dialogue was.... lacking, let's say)Now we can get into the nitty gritty of it all. They took two very well known, one of which is a fan favourite, characters from the comics, tv shows and 1987 CLASSIC Transformers: The Movie and changed them entirely. One of which is Hot Rod, played by Judd Nelson in the cartoon. Firstly, why not reach out to him, bring him back. I can only assume he's not busy right now (If you read this Mr. Nelson, you're a fucking champ). Secondly, they have him use some weird French accent throughout, but don't discuss why he uses it, just that "he can't stop". Very odd. The second character, the main villain of the cartoon, Unicron, voiced by Orson Welles is in this movie, but rather than being the villain, he's for some reason the Earth? They don't really discuss any of that, but apparently he isn't a transformer (or is?) and all of Human Kind live on him. Doesn't even transform guys. It hurts me so.What else is there to say about a movie that I won't spoil... it ended? I'm glad it ended, it took 7 years for me to watch this movie and it was the longest 7 years of my god damned life guys. Josh Duhamel and Mark Wahlberg both age like fine wine though, that's a bonus I suppose.