Blue Mountain State: The Rise Of Thadland (2016)

Starring:  All the people from the show, I don't know their names. Alan Ritchson, Darin Brooks, James Cade, Rob Ramsay, Chris Romano, Frankie ShawPlot:  Thad Castle has graduated from Blue Mountain State University, in his wake he leaves Alex Moran to run the Goat House, but a new dean has different plans.  Alex needs Thad back for one last hurrah.Review:  First and foremost, I want it known that I love party movies and college movies, so logically I would love college party movies.  Probably more than I should, likely because I was far too dumb to go to college (I never learned to read!), but they always hit me in just the right spot.  From the over the top parties like 21 & Over to the semi sweet, has a meaning at the end Van Wilder to the classically hilarious Animal House.  Even the lesser ones that have very little going for them, like PCU (though I have always loved Jeremy Piven) or Road Trip (I mean… Breckin Meyer annoys me, but Seann William Scott is great), or the even worse than that, EuroTrip (what Scotty really doesn't know is that Michelle Trachtenberg was too hot for this movie) will always have a special place within my heart and ginger soul.That being said, Blue Mountain State: The Rise of Thadland should be a good throwback to the series, right?  Should hit all the marks that the show hit, making us all wonder just how much more dumb and crazy it can get, right?  Wrong.According to www.imdb.com, the movie clocks in at 90 minutes, but felt like a solid 14 years of my life got wasted on this tripe.  The big plot piece, sorry, the only plot piece is that some new foreign dean, (How do I know he's foreign you ask?  Because the idiots who made this movie have his use the most stupid and awkward accent in the world.  To the point of him calling himself the coach, but all the players thinking he's saying coo…well, it's a gross word for female anatomy) who wants to take their frat house away is going to be thwarted by the team.  Their plans?  1.) Kill him,  2.) Kill his family, but make it look like he did it, both of which would have been better than 3.) Talk to the barely functional retard Thad Castle and get him to give them the money to buy the house.  Thad's plan is simple, throw him a giant party with the entire party being in his likeness and image, Thadland.They throw the party, a debacle that involves 30 different kinds of marijuana, a menagerie of cocaine, "every kind of liquor in the world" (which culminated in having champagne from California because all the best things are American, which leads me to believe that they didn't get a lot of foreign liquor?), lots of naked girls (with bad boobs jobs) and an amusement park with his face everywhere.  I know all of this quite in depth, because they do a walk through of the party for a solid 4 minutes before having a 3 minute montage of people drinking and partying and acting like morons and getting high.  I was immediately taken out of the party aspect because logically they would lose the house from all the illegal drug use and there's a guy that drowns in a mojito hot tub.I also thought the movie would be like the show and involve at least a little football, or the school in any way, but it doesn't. The entire movie is the party, which is just awful.  They didn't follow the simple party movie rules, because no one learned anything in the movie.Darin Brooks, the main character of the show, more than phoned it in, he clearly didn't give a rats ass about the movie, same with 99% of the other cast.  The only single cast member I would say didn't phone it in was Alan Ritchson, who plays Thad Castle, the only reason he didn't phone it in (in my opinion), was because there's no way he can play someone that stupid without putting a lot of effort into it.The movie culminates with Harmon (the kicker) supplying drugs to the entire party, but the kicker (get it?) is that the drug is filled with "Jenkum", the odour from decal matter.  He was siphoning the smell from the sewage pipes and using it to get people high, but Alex finds out and has none of it, tells him to shut it down.  They blow up the house so no one gets it, Thad wants to die inside the house, because he isn't going to go pro (he got gored by a rhinoceros while playing with it) and he wants to die.  But he doesn't die, Cut to 1 month later where he is now "Mr. Poontang" on a beach drinking mojito's.I mean… this movie was awful.  It kept none of the charm the show had, less than none of the comedy and was just an excuse for people to swear in those characters because they couldn't on tv.  I wouldn't waste my time with this show if I were you, especially if you liked the show once, but ESPECIALLY if you didn't see the show, but espec… just don't watch it.